We all have a sad story. We’re all different - yet the same. We all deeply seek inner peace, abundance and love.
Here's a snipped of my transformation from being anxious and depressed...feeling like a loser. And a colossal mistake. I'm sharing this in hope of giving you, well... HOPE!
Life was a fight for survival from conception on. I’d see other people happy and wonder what I’d done wrong to deserve the gloom that followed me like a stalker in the night.
I swear, some years I just couldn’t get a break.
By the time I reached the ripe old age of 7, I was on my third mother. My first two abandoned me. Nothing screams “You Suck!” like believing you are a worthless blob of flesh breathing air that someone else could use.
As life moved forward in time, even though I smiled and laughed on the outside, my soul begged for relief. And by the age of 10 I asked God to let me die in the woods. When he obviously ignored my request, I asked someone else to kill me. Again, my wish was not granted.
Over the course of my early years, I was abandoned twice, sent to live in a cult, physically and emotionally abused, nearly raped by a family member (someone stepped in and saved me but the trauma haunted me for decades) and I knew in every cell of my body that I was worthless and unworthy of love. That life had to be so f*cking hard because that's what I deserved.
By the time I hit my teen years, the emotional stress of existing was so compounded that I developed a devastating disease – ulcerated colitis. I also knew for a fact that God screwed up when he created me. No doubt in my mind that God regretted creating me.
Why else would I suffer so??
I was ugly. I was stupid. I didn’t deserve a cheerful life filled with unconditional love. I knew this was true because the world around me told me so. Over and over and over.
So did every mirror I walked past. Eventually, I stopped looking at myself. The hideous sight that started back at me drove my anxiety level deeper and higher.
So, what did I do to numb my pain? I drank alcohol every chance I got. If it wasn’t for my best friends, Bacardi® and Coke®, I never would have survived past my 30’s. I’d tip back cocktail after cocktail till my mouth numbed. And I’d pass out into an intoxicating bliss.
This was the only way I knew to finding happiness – fast.
By the time I reached my 30’s, my body soul and mind felt like a freight train with the accelerator stuck on hyper speed…racing towards a cliff the height of the Grand Canyon. I knew that if I didn’t find the emergency brake quickly, I’d fly off the edge.
The simple act of getting out of bed every morning, plunking down one foot in front of the other exhausted me. I had nothing to give because I was sucked dry by an invisible vacuum cleaner.
Since society and my family expected me to be happy, I stuffed and stuffed and stuffed my true feelings as deeply as I could.I learned early to keep my mouth shut. Be "happy" at all costs. No one likes a complainer. All the while maxing out my physical body.
Coping with stress was nearly impossible. By the time I reached my 40's, my happy facade cracked and shattered to the floor. I’d reached the point of do-or-die. I decided to “Do.” That’s because despite all the seemingly unbearable anguish…a spark of hope flickered inside my broken heart.
Thus began my journey to finding happiness…And taking control of my life.
Doctors thew their hands in the air because they didn’t really know what to do with me. One even had the audacity to tell me that all my problems were in my head. Go home. And basically don’t bug him ever again.
In my early 40’s my weight ballooned to 165 lbs of cottage cheese butt, gut, arms and thighs. Never mind that Cheetos® and sugar fed my starving soul. And comforted me like a big warm hug. A lump about the size of my little finger protruded from my thyroid. Yet, like the medical Gods told me, I was “fine!”
I could barely look at my hideous body in the mirror. The face that sneered back taunted me, reminding me that a thrilling, beautiful life was for other people. Not me. Fried nerves and despair were my cross to bare.
Thankfully, a quiet beacon inside me silently sent out an S.O.S. to the universe for help. And a miracle happened. I was introduced to the concept of energy medicine. After my initial taste of this blessed gift I was hooked on healing.
At first the idea of telling my husband that I wanted to start using a radical way to heal my physical and emotional scars scared and embarrassed me. What if he thought I was “too weird” and left me?
After contemplating the pros and cons of risking something “woo woo”, I decided to jump in with both feet.
Boy, am I thrilled that I did!
Over the course of several years – both as a client and student - I experimented with over 7 energy therapy modalities. It's fair to say I've spent thousands and thousands of dollars searching for relief. Now I use a combination of the best tools that I learned to help others heal.
In addition to healing my emotional state, I also hired a couple different coaches to help me reach higher. To better myself . To be the Best Me I can be.
As I healed, my belief and perseverance to cross the finish line and win self-love, inner peace, abundance and the authentic happiness that I longed for, eventually became a reality.
Being brave and letting go of a pain body state took time. After all, being sick and miserable was all I knew. I wore the constant drama like a cozy pair of cotton pajamas. However, stripping away the fear of what I might discover about myself opened doors to thrilling possibilities.
As I healed, what gushed out of me was an intense rage and hatred at God. My family. Society….And myself. Over time I forgave others. I forgave me.
Finding happiness was possible after all.
Is my life perfect now? That depends how you look at it. I say yes even though I'm surrounded by chaos every day.
Me. And how I respond to the chaos.
No more fried nerves. No more feeling like a loser, or a mistake. No more worrying about money. I love ME which means I can love others more authentically.
When life throws mud at me I am able to duck or rebound quickly. Emotional stress no longer controls my life.
Now I have a spring in my step. A song in my heart. I love myself and have something to give. One of my ways of thanking the universe is by sharing and helping others who seek great joy in their life.
I started Align With Joy© a few years ago for the sole and soul purpose of helping others who seek relief from their pain and suffering. Some people heal long held physical pain in addition to the emotional pain.
Living with anxiety or depression sucks. It's that simple. And it's NOT necessary.
As time ticked by, I started realizing the power of a life coach. Unfortunately, I couldn't find anyone who offered coaching and healing. That meant I had to search for different people to be on my "team."
Combining emotional healing and reaching goals with the support of a coach accelerated my life and took me to new heights. Once I opened myself up to the possibility of coaching others, the process fell into place naturally.
Helping other souls heal their emotional lives by letting go of the anxiety. The depression. The self-loathing makes the suffering I endured worth surviving and talking about…
Because I know what deep pain is…
I understand your suffering.
I also understand that spark of hope that lead you to me.
Feel free to contact me for more information on how we can work together to help you get to the peace and control of your life you're soul is craving and crying out for.